My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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