I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
