WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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