Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
