I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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