Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
