I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
