So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
