Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
