Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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