You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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