Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
