Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize