Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
