That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
