Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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