I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
