What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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