I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
