Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
