sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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