she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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