Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
