If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
