He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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