Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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