he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
