Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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