Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
