I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She said her name was "party"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
