I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
