ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
