I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
