I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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