We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
