Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
