My first STD was from a foam party
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
