I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
