It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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