I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
two words: eviction party
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Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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