I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
