the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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