so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
