fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
