Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
