So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
