I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
