i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
