drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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