When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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