Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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