I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
