when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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