Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
