Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
