whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
