Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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