I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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