im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I heard we made out
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
