so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
