I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
