bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
