she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
